


Choke on the memories

by storiesthatmakeus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Memories, Separations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 18:50:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11789262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: Aaron finds a special place to put Robert's watch.'After the credits' type scene from 8th August.Chapter 2 now added.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this scene is what is written when you wake up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning. 
> 
> Bit sad, but hope someone likes it all the same. 
> 
> Title from the song 'Choke' by OneRepublic - Very Robron, if you haven't heard it :(

It had started by accident, the day he came back from Dublin. He had watched Robert leave the Mill, his resolve on the edge as he saw the defeated look in his husband’s eyes. He could lie to everyone else, and in public he could even lie to himself. But in private, when there was nothing but his thoughts to keep him company, the lie faltered, because despite their break-up, Robert would always be his husband, present tense.

After he had downed his beer, he set about trying to reclaim the flat as his own, an impossible task when Robert was everywhere, from the photos that filled each room to the décor, even down to Liv’s ridiculous monkey sculpture. He decided to begin in the bathroom, but as he held the bottle containing the last vestiges of Robert’s overpriced shower gel, he couldn’t find it in himself to throw it away. It was a funny thing. He had brought the gel to prison to remind him of his husband, but once he got out he couldn’t stand it, the scent filling his memories with Jason, with taunting and with the image of Gordon’s cell. Robert had understood. Of course he did. He had bought a different one, but as time went on, Aaron began to miss his husband’s familiar scent, and soon the overpriced gel was back.

So he found an old shoebox in the wardrobe and put the nearly empty bottle in it, and that was how the memory box began.

Over the next week, more and more items found their way into the box as and when Aaron stumbled across them; the tie that Robert had worn that time in the hotel when they were nearly caught by Chrissie, found tucked away in the sock drawer. Aaron smiled as he ran his fingers over it, remembering how Robert had called his own tie ‘the ugliest thing he had ever seen’ before ripping it off him. He also managed a laugh at the image of how shocked Robert would be to find a _tie_ in the _sock_ drawer. Before he could dwell too much, the tie was in the box, out of sight, temporarily out of mind.

Once he finally got around to unpacking his bag that he had brought to Dublin, three days after he had come home, he found it; the hospital wristband that he had worn following the crash, hidden in the smallest pocket of his rucksack. It was the rucksack that Robert had brought him some clean clothes in. He must have stuffed it in there on the day he was discharged, and suddenly an image of Robert appearing at his bedside flashed before him, checking obsessively that he was okay and that they had all his prescriptions before smugly recounting how he called Aaron his fiancé for the first time that day, to Chrissie White no less. Aaron stood over the bin, the wristband hovering dangerously close but in the end, into the box it went.

Hidden among the documents in the still unpacked boxes in Liv’s room was where he saw them; the plane tickets for the trip to Barcelona that they had never gotten to take, nestled on top of a contract he had been looking for that had gone walkabout from the scrap yard. Aaron was sure there was some irony in the fact that he found them in Liv’s room when it had been her arrival that stopped them going in the first place. He started to rip them up; they were useless now after all, but he couldn’t do it, not when he thought of the easy way he and Robert had sat together that morning, eating breakfast and planning holidays, the taste of that first kiss back together still present on Aaron’s lips, so they joined the growing collection of items in the box.

It was when he was looking for the spare phone charger in the drawer of the bedside table that he stumbled across it, poking out from a notebook; the receipt from some fancy steakhouse that they had gone to that weekend in Manchester. Aaron had booked the hotel, so Robert had insisted on paying for everything else, not wanting his fiancé to shell out a penny on his birthday weekend. They were back in their hotel room, absolutely stuffed and neither of them had the energy to do anything that even remotely resembled sex. So instead, they curled up under the covers planning their wedding, their fingers linked together as Robert tried to educate Aaron on the fact that cocktail sausages did not constitute finger food and Aaron tried to educate Robert on the high probability that he would spend his wedding night in the boot of Cain Dingle’s car if he didn’t agree to drink beer from a welly. Turned out, he was right about someone getting locked in Cain’s boot, just wouldn’t have put a bet on himself being that person. At this point, there was no need to try and argue with himself over the importance of the item; it was inevitable that it would go in the box.

The shoebox itself was a memory, the scent of fancy leather from Robert’s wedding shoes still lingering, very faint, but still present. At least Aaron thought the smell was still there, then again maybe he had just committed every detail of that day to memory, ready to be triggered by even the smallest reminder.

That night, he had come home from the scrap yard and pulled out the box from under a blanket in the wardrobe. As he added the watch that he had lied so convincingly to Robert about earlier that day to the pile, he gently stroked his finger over the rest of the contents; the shoebox itself, the wristband, the plane tickets, the receipt, the shower gel bottle and the last item, an empty ring box, which he hadn’t stumbled across but had always kept with him in his bedside table as an everlasting reminder of the strength Robert had that day to pull him out of the car when he himself had given up. He had been so full of love that day, but the box like his left ring finger was now empty. He hadn’t cried the day he left Robert for Dublin, he hadn’t cried when his mum and sister embraced him and he hadn’t cried the day he came back and found himself alone in the house. But tonight, as he sat on the floor of his bedroom and looked at the love of his life, summed up in seven ordinary items, the tears began to flow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert finds Aaron's memory box and proves himself to be just as much of a soppy git as his husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after a little encouragement from Fangirlqueen87 (who's awesome and if you haven't read her stuff yet then do!) I have posted a follow up chapter as Robert discovers the box.
> 
> It hasn't really gone as I originally intended but I hope it's still good :)

‘’Eh, where are you going?’’ Aaron asked, glancing up from where he was putting beers and popcorn on the coffee table to see Robert halfway up the stairs.

‘’To grab a blanket.’’ Robert replied. ‘’We’ve been over this Aaron, a movie night is not the same without a blanket; it’s part of the experience.’’ he explained once again to his husband, who was shaking his head and scoffing.

‘’And besides,’’ his tone lowered just a fraction as he descended the stairs and came to wrap his hands around Aaron’s waist, ‘’the blanket lets me have my wicked way with you without anyone seeing.’’ He could feel Aaron shudder briefly at the words and it give him a thrill.

‘’There’s no one else here Robert.’’

‘’Awh c’mon, don’t ruin the illusion.’’ Robert pouted, which of course made Aaron cave.

‘’Fine, go get your blanket.’’ Aaron relented, and he couldn’t help his grin at the look on his husband’s face as he bounded up the stairs, a miraculous achievement considering how ridiculously lethal they were.

It had been five weeks since Robert had moved back in. Neither of them could actually believe it was real, but in time they had eventually found their way back to each other, no ex-flings or babies that didn’t actually belong to Robert in the end getting in their way. They were both stronger now, both okay with being alone, but both finally clear-headed enough to realise they were better together.

Robert was shuffling around the wardrobe looking for that comically oversized blanket that Vic had given them a few months back. He eventually discovered it stuffed haphazardly in the corner, but as he pulled it out, a shoebox fell out alongside it, the contents rattling around inside. He instantly recognised the box and his curiosity was piqued, knowing he hadn’t put anything in it while he had lived here the first time. Crouching down, he opened it up, and his heart fluttered as he saw what was inside. Ignoring Aaron’s call of ‘C’mon Robert this film was your bloody idea,’’ from downstairs, he sat down on the floor of their bedroom, legs crossed and tears prickling his eyes as he raked over each of the items.

Aaron was getting twitchy. What was taking him so long? He called up to Robert but was met with silence, and after another five minutes with no movement, he decided he would have to drag his husband downstairs himself.

‘’Bloody, poncy git making me wait to watch this bloody, poncy film that probably has bloody, poncy subtitles. I’ll strangle him with that precious blanket if he’s not careful,’’ Aaron muttered to himself as he climbed the stairs, not at all bitter that Robert could fly up them like a bloody monkey.

‘’Robert, what’s the hold…..’’ but he trailed off as he caught sight of his husband’s red rimmed eyes, and his heart stopped once he spotted the open shoebox next to him. ‘’Robert, you weren’t meant to find that.’’

He got no response, so he walked over and knelt down carefully next to his husband.

‘’Robert, say something, please.’’

‘’You kept it.’’ Robert finally said, quietly, his missing watch in his hands. ‘’You kept all this stuff.’’ He glanced at the other contents of the box, and Aaron nodded.

‘’Yea…. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t bear to get rid of them, get rid of you, not completely.’’ Aaron was suddenly very aware and shy of himself, but Robert picked up on it and pulled his husband down next to him. He kissed him softly on the forehead then stood up suddenly, much to Aaron’s surprise.

‘’Wait here.’’

‘’Robert, where are you going?’’

A few seconds later, Aaron heard the slam of the front door followed by the sound of Robert coming back up the stairs. He was back, holding a box folder that Aaron recognised as one from the scrap yard used to hold invoices. Robert took a deep breath, seemingly to steady himself, then handed the box to Aaron and curled up next to him on the floor.

‘’I have a box too.’’ He said shyly.

‘’I see that.’’ Aaron responded softly, suddenly nervous to open it and see what lay inside.

‘’I kept it in the car.’’

‘’Your car? Why?’’

‘’Have you met my sister Aaron? She has the nose of a bloodhound for things like this.’’

‘’Fair point.’’ Aaron pressed the release on the box, but just before he opened it, he changed his mind, passing it to Robert instead, who looked confused and slightly hurt at the decision.

‘’You don’t want to know what’s in there?’’

‘’I do, but I want you to explain why you chose whatever’s in there, please?’’ Aaron requested with a look on his face that not in a million years could Robert refuse.

‘’Ok I will, but let’s do this properly shall we?’’ Robert said as he reached behind him and grabbed the blanket, which he slung over them both. Aaron rolled his eyes, but it didn’t stop him shuffling closer, his head on Robert’s shoulder as he opened the box.

‘’So,’’ Robert began, pulling out an old phone, which Aaron recognised as the one he had dropped while kayaking in Wales. ‘’Remember the rice ‘discussion’?’’ Aaron nodded. ‘’Well, that was the first time I could remember having an argument with you that was just about something silly, not about teenagers in boots or bribery, just normal everyday stuff. And I just realised how much I wanted all my silly arguments to be with you. It was our first holiday too, and that made it even better for some reason. We were just normal then weren’t we, you, me and Liv?’’ Aaron nodded, and he could already feel the tears coming. He would never make it to the end in one piece.

Robert dropped the phone back in the box and pulled out the next item. It was a hotel key card, something Aaron was not expecting.

‘’You nicked a key card?’’

‘’Not just any key card, Aaron. You know that hotel we stayed in, where you found out Adam had just done a deal for the scrap yard?’’ The expression on Aaron’s face told him he remembered, so Robert continued. ‘’ Well that was the first time I could see that you were actually beginning to believe in yourself and your business. I was so proud of you Aaron, and I think that’s when I realised how screwed I was, because I would never be able to let you go after that.’’

Aaron had no words for that one, so he simply kissed Robert’s hand and gestured for him to continue, which he did, putting the key card aside and pulling out an old newspaper.

‘’A newspaper?’’

‘’I’ll never get through this if you keep questioning the contents of my box Aaron.’’ Robert replied, but his words had no heat to them. If anything, he looked nervous, so Aaron placed his hand around his waist reassuringly and Robert began to talk again.

‘’This is the newspaper that Cain was reading on Christmas Day, with that story about the peacock.’’

Aaron chuckled at the memory of Charity scrubbing her hands furiously to rid herself of the feeling of a peacock’s giblets all over her skin after she had thrown it out.

‘’And you kept this because…?’’

‘’Because it reminded me that this was the first Christmas that I felt like I was part of a real family. I had you, and all your crazy relatives. It was mental, but it was the first time I felt like I had a home Aaron, a real home full of memories, not just things, and everyone was gathered around the table because they wanted to be, not just because they had to be.’’

A single tear fell down Robert’s cheek, which Aaron gently wiped away, his own tears still on the precipice of falling at any moment.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’That you never felt like you had a home before.’’

‘’Even if I had, no home would compare to the one I have with you Aaron.’’

That was it. The tears were coming and there was nothing he could do to stop them.

‘’Do you want me to stop?’’ Robert asked gently.

Aaron shook his head softly.

‘’Okay, there’s only two more to go anyway.’’

Robert pulled out a keyring with a welly on it and handed it to a bemused Aaron.

‘’I couldn’t fit the real one in the box.’’ He shrugged shyly, as though that explained everything, which to be fair it did.

Aaron pulled himself closer to his husband, if that was even possible, and gripped him tightly as they thought back to that day. They were both crying more freely now as they linked hands, sat together in silence. There was no need for Robert to explain that one; it was etched in ink on both of their memories.

Aaron eventually pulled himself together when he remembered that there was still one more item in the box.

‘’So, go on then, what’s the last one?’’

‘’This.’’ Robert replied, reaching in and holding up a small silver object. Aaron recognised it immediately; it was the coin he said he would get engraved with their wedding date on it, before everything fell apart.

‘’Why did you keep that? Where did you even get it?’’

‘’That night, when you were being questioned, I saw it on the coffee table in the pub. It must have fallen out of your pocket when you were sitting there. I put it in my wallet, I wanted to keep it safe for you.’’

‘’And..?’’ Aaron knew there was more, knew he had to push a little.

‘’You said that I was an idiot but I still promised to marry you one day, remember?’’ Aaron nodded uncertainly. ‘’Well I am an idiot, but for once I kept my promise, and I guess this is a reminder that for one day, I didn’t let you down.’’

‘’Robert….’’ Aaron started, trying to find words to comfort the man next to him, but he couldn’t speak, too overwhelmed by everything he had just learned. It didn’t matter because Robert kept talking, twirling the coin between his fingers.

‘’And I held onto this because I hoped that maybe one day you’d take a chance on me and let me be that idiot again.’’

‘’And actually get a date engraved on that coin you mean?’’

‘’Maybe..’’ Robert shrugged, avoiding Aaron’s gaze.

‘’Robert, is this a proposal?’’

‘’Do you want it to be?’’ Robert took a breath and glanced up, to find his beautiful husband nodding slowly, the tears making his eyes look bluer than ever before.

Robert shuffled around, taking his wallet out of his pocket and pulling out the ring Aaron had given him back all those months ago. He hadn’t been ready to ask for it back yet, and Robert had been content not to push, but now felt like the right time, finally. Clasping their hands together, he looked straight at him, both blinking back tears.

‘’Aaron Dingle, will you marry me?’’

‘’Yes, yes I will.’’ Aaron breathed out softly. He watched in awe as Robert slid the ring back on his finger and kissed him softly, before they huddled together once more under the blanket, the poncy film – which did have subtitles – completely forgotten.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the excessive use of the words 'poncy' and 'bloody' in this chapter but ya know what Aaron's like :O

**Author's Note:**

> I've been on a bit of a writing streak, but am a bit out of inspiration now, so if anyone has any silly/fluffy suggestions then drop them in the comments below :-)
> 
> Any comments are appreciated, and your support since I started on here has been overwhelming, so thank you xxx


End file.
